2006-03-16 - 5:22 p.m.
For those of us that didn’t go to medical school, I pose the following interrogative. Do you ever wonder what happens to the sperm you make after you have a vasectomy? I would think that many of you out there, like me, have some sort of plausible assumption you are willing to accept rather than look up the useless information in your free time. But today my dear reader, you shall be enlightened, as it has some relevance to our future discussion.
When the Vas Deferens is cut the “nut side” is left open for the sperm to freely evacuate into the scrotal sac where it is absorbed by the body. Yeah, I know, but what can you do…
Now, before I go off on a silly story, let’s start at the beginning. I woke up at 9am and took my 10mg Valium as prescribed. I waited for it to kick in, but it never did; I wasn’t very surprised, just as I’m sure you are not surprised now.
I don’t want to go into great detail about the procedure itself, but I will comment on a couple things for the curious. First of all, the application of the first anesthetic was probably the hardest part of the whole ordeal. Not only do you feel it going well inside you, you feel the liquid coming out of the needle. I was a little disturbed and definitely violated. Well, OK, I’ll admit, I don’t mind the being violated part, but the whole experience was rather unnerving. I spent the entire surgery looking out the window and reading the poster on the wall. I was doing anything I could to not think about the guy making the inside of my stuff come out through a little hole. And if ever I started to succeed, I was brought back to reality with little comments here and there. “OK, you might smell seared flesh.” Or my favorite, “Before we move on, really quickly I want to fix what I just did, NURSE!” OK, just kidding, but I was waiting for it. In the end, I wasn’t too traumatized. It didn’t hurt and it didn’t ruin me from sex (as far as I can tell). I’m still a little sore though and a little swollen.
Speaking of swollen, remember the whole thing about the sperm just releasing into the sac? Well, I keep having two dreams. One involves a scene similar to the girl who swells up like a blueberry in “Charlie and the Chocolate Factory” that has me producing more sperm than my body can absorb. The other dream has me back on the operating table with the Doctor on one side and Regina on the other and they are both operating on me and she keeps asking the doctor, “What happens if I do this?” and he keeps saying, “Don’t do that.”
Al in all, I would have to say I’m no worse for the experience. If you are guy, a worried guy, a guy who wants to get a vasectomy, concern yourself no more. There are few men more fearful than I; if I can do it, so too can you!
