2006-03-11 - 3:56 p.m.
My Vasectomy:
Pills and a haircut…two bits
Part 1
The final weekend is upon me. I’ve had one last go at the sex, just in case. I’ve stock piled all the necessary equipment for my recovery, including low cut bikini briefs, two bags of peas, and some OTC pills (because they don’t give you a prescription for this type of surgery). I’ve made my final preparations and by preparations I mean SHAVING MY GENITAL AREA. I am as ready as you can get to have a doctor poke a hole in my scrotal sack and sever my left and right vas deferens.
“Let’s talk about drugs.” That’s what I told the receptionist when I called the doctor’s office about a month ago to schedule my appointment. I was given clinical assurance that if I called a week before the procedure I would be given a prescription for what I like to call “I don’t care” drugs. Monday became today in the progress of the month and I called them back. The faxed my prescription over to the Albertson’s pharmacy per my request and I left in jovial spirits to retrieve my drugs. Skip to the Pharmacist handing me my bottle…”Here you are sir, it’s 10mg, the strongest you can get in Valium.”
*I shake the nearly empty bottle* “There’s only one pill.”
The Pharmacist replies, “Yes, you need to take it two hours before the operation.”
Skeptically I ask, “Is this actually going to do anything?”
The conversation drooled on, down the front of my hopes, into the puddle of lost dreams. I went home and put that lonely little pill on the shelf. My drug situation is not good. To be honest, I’m really worried about the pain. I just really like taking pills and I’ve never been given a good drug prescription in my life. I just thought this once it would be nice to sit around and be comfortable and high for a couple days while I try not to think about what just happened to me.
Speaking of comfortable…I would like to start off by saying that no matter how witty you think you are and no matter what conversation you were having with your balls in the shower, do not put aftershave on your balls after a fresh shave. The weird feeling doesn’t go away after you put your pants on; that’s al I’m going to say.
So, I shaved my balls for this surgery…on instructions from the doctor’s office, by the way, not as an attempt to look nice for the nurse. I’ve never shaved or trimmed anything down there. It’s like a forest playground or something; well, it was. After I shaved all the hair off the scrotal area I noticed that I looked really stupid. So then I decided to trim everything else, you know, to give a kind of fade look. I did pretty well actually. In fact, I did so well that when I was done I kind of felt like a porn star. To tell you the truth though, now that I’m at work, I just feel awkward. I feel like I should have a disclaimer on my shirt, “WARNING: YOU MAY BE ADDRESSING SHORN GENITALS
